It was a pretty uneventful birthday, it went by rather low key. I had a few friends wish me, but since we were shifting, I couldn’t talk to them properly. I spent time replying to whatsapp messages and Facebook wishes. But overall, there was nothing so extra special about today. In a way, I think I’m glad and disappointed all at the same time. Glad because I didn’t get too much time to ponder about my turning 18. Disappointed because 18 is still a pretty huge milestone, and the fact that it went by without much ado is kind of disappointing. But I guess, there’ll be many more birthdays for me to experience a ‘true’ birthday.
I woke up to kisses from my mom, and she gifted me headphones while I just stared blankly and blindly up at her. But no one can blame me because I wasn’t wearing glasses, it’s not my fault. Blame my genes for making me myopic. But all this shifting has meant that I’m without wifi and that’s led to me having to type my blog post on my phone. It is not an exercise I particularly enjoy, because typing on my phone is quite a difficult exercise. It is a much smaller keyboard (obviously), but also, I think, I’ve grown quite addicted and used to using my laptop for writing on my blog.
It becomes so easy, to get stuck to a routine, to be comfortable with one thing, one habit, one place and thereby finding it difficult to move away from that space. I think I have found many such places in my life (how turning 18 seems to give me this authority! I know it’s all in my head, but still). It’s not easy moving away from these ‘rooms’ you’ve grown comfortable in. It’s not just this, I think I’ve grown quite comfortable with a routine of pulling myself down and hating myself. Added to that is my already low self-confidence and you have a self-help, life coaching guide’s worst nightmare/ideal candidate (make of it what you will).
Right now, in this new house, surrounded by boxes and absolutely no clue about where my stuff is going to go, I think this break has already pushed me out of my comfort zone. There was a time, back in college, where I simply stayed in my room all day, didn’t even go out for meals. I seemed to derive some sort of sadistic pleasure by just staying in the room, and not going anywhere. It was basically self-imposed house arrest (or room arrest, I really don’t know the technicalities).
Talking about these rooms, I think it’s quite ironical that my book for today is Room by Emma Donoghue. It is a wonderful, wonderful book that completely changed me. It left my heart bleeding but also with hope for revival and hope is a beautiful thing.
Living in a Room takes on a whole new meaning
5 years old, don’t know the world
It is bright, noisy and has shops
But you can’t shop for freedom yet
Dora and remote controlled trucks
Rescue Ma from Old Nick, seek comfort
What is real and what is not?
Skewed perceptions, the world changes so soon
Tears and attachment become everyday occurrences
You don’t want to understand, but you do
Escape from the Room, it is theirs
To leave and forget, to shut the door on
But it will haunt you, the Room, with its
Restrictive Agony
I am really glad for everything that’s happened to me these last 18 years. I’ve met some wonderful people, some not so wonderful people, and have had experiences that were uniquely mine. I’m grateful for that all, and there does not go a day when I wonder what in hell did I do to deserve what has been given to me on a silver platter. The answers to those questions are not exactly validating, especially on a day like a birthday. But I guess it’s sometimes a good idea to let it go, sit back and breathe a bit, isn’t it?
And that’s my memory for the day
The Memory Of A Storyteller 