(I) Better Work

The internet is not working at the moment and so I decided that since I could not access my readings, I might as well get started on my blog post for the day. But the problem is, I need the internet just to write my blog post. That realisation came moments after I jubilantly typed in my blog’s URL and was met with an error message that reminded me that my blog was not divorced from its very apparent virtual setting. I cannot help it, but sometimes reality evades me, not because I am a dreamer but because I am a slacker and I forget things, I forget that I exist a very material life, not in favour of a different kind of existence but a kind of non-existence. 

Writing as I do these days, I am met with a slightly unnerving realisation that I have started writing a lot like those theorists I am reading. Of course my ideas and thought processes are not half as complex (I am quite a pleb, so to speak) and my language not that complicated or elaborate, my vocabulary mediocre at best (and I am tempted to wonder if this was the humility topos speaking), but nevertheless, I end up writing long sentences and my analysing and close reading skills have also developed quite a bit. I am proud of that, yes, but I am also unnerved by it (not scared, but rather unnerved).

I have a lot of readings left to do and a lot of work to complete but I am writing this blog post now. But surprisingly, I am not plagued with the usual guilt that I normally would. In fact, I am not even feeling my general overwhelmedness. I am quite peaceful and calm, which can be an extremely foolish move at the moment because I really have a lot to get done. But I don’t feel that sinking feeling about my work, none of that hopelessness that I have come to accept as normal. So there’s that feeling of peace that is quite alien to me but which I am deeply appreciative of. 

I have been kicked out of my room earlier than usual because my roommate cannot tolerate light and sound when she’s sleeping and she wanted to sleep early today. I work the best while I am in my room but I have to leave when she comes to sleep. It is a bit of a shitty situation but I cannot help it at the moment, I did choose her as my roommate again this year. But I guess sitting in the common room is not that bad, it gives me a semblance of sociality, being surrounded by people who all seem like they are struggling too is a good ego boost, honestly. I am also meeting a professor tomorrow, I sought him out actually because I wanted to know things about translation and he responded quite nicely and asked me to meet him tomorrow afternoon. I am hoping that will go well. I am also getting through my work, little by little and I am hoping I shall get with at least some parts of it by tonight. Is that too much to ask for, really?

And that’s my memory for the day.